How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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