would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
