this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
