she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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