i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
