Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
