did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
