I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
