life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
