I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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