i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
