a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
