I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
