If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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