and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
