Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
