Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
