I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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