is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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