That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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