Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
