My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
