trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We left the knife in your bed.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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