we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
