do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
