Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Randomize
