and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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