Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
