He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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