watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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