It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
