yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
