I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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