I'm jealous of your bromance
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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