no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
