she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
