U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
