He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
