You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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