can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
