I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
