the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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