if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
