Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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