the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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