how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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