Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
