i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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