you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
