Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
