At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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