Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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