i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
