i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
