There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
