i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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