u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
