its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
