At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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