Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
