the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
