are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
