That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
