Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
