I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just had sex bonerless
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
