I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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