what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
