In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
