my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
