I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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