I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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